I'm not sure if I have changed or if I am just more conscious of it now, but I feel that the older I get the more my capacity to love and feel emotions has really grown. I don't just mean love in the romantic way, but my love for the arts and all the beautiful things in life. Am I the only one?
I never cried in movies growing up. My friends called my emotionless. I didn't like babies or dogs or animals. In that aspect I know that I have changed. I cried watching the documentary First Position, The Business of Being Born and balled like a baby during the Changeling. (but the Changeling was not a happy cry)
There are just so many beautiful things in life that just fill my soul. Does that make sense? I've been watching a lot of ballet lately and I am in such awe of the beauty and talent. I watched the movie the Phantom of the Opera and was just filled with the beauty of the voices and music. This sounds so dumb and cheesy. But these things just pierce me! In this aspect I don't think I've changed, just grown to appreciate much more. I know this because when I was 8 years old I started and a journal and let me just quote an excerpt:
"We went to Kmart to get Brittany's pillowcases. There I found this aisle with a whole bunch of fake flowers. It was beutiful. Not a single peice of white or shelf was in sight. It was all flowers. I loved it!!!" (any typos are the original"
I wish I was 8 again sometimes.
I just think it's important to remember how much GOOD is in the world. With so many bad things that happen every single day, it's so important to focus on the good. In fact sometimes I really just hate hearing the bad and try not to think about it. I'm not sure where this post is going. Every sentence is evolving into it's own thing, so I apologize that this post is all over the place. But I recently read an article about Christmas and the Christmas spirit. There was a part that really struck me.
"...our opportunities to love and give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. Today there are hearts to gladden, kind words to say, deeds to be done, and souls to be saved."
I think life is the best when I'm making other people happy. And when I read this I thought how EASY is it to say a kind word?? It can make my whole day to hear one compliment. So my goal was to say every nice thing that I'm thinking. Because a lot of times I don't even think to say them out loud. So this year I'm gonna try to be more selfless. More kind and more thoughtful. Sometimes I get all wrapped up in my silly self just thinking about all the clothes I want and trips I want to go on and blah blah blah. And so I hope this will also get me outside of my dumb bubble of Mickelleville. We can only hope!